Not long after Rémy turned one, we took a trip to the Emergency Room. It was a bad experience. The type of experience that sticks with a mom for a long time. I remember looking at my son and seeing him try to process everything that was happening, the physical pain he felt, and the scary hospital surroundings. There was so much physical and emotional overwhelm, and such a lack of control, I couldn't imagine how hard it was for him.
When we got home and started to heal up, I immediately began researching how to help him process the experience. What do you do with a toddler who has experienced trauma of some kind? Most of what I found applied to much older kids. They spoke of imaginative play experiences and having them talk about their memories. Some psychologists mentioned storytelling, and I knew this was the strategy for us.
In my book, storytelling trumps all. It is at the heart of how we communicate, understand our lives, form relationships, and teach. Storytelling is one of those essentials that make us human.
My devotion to storytelling should come as no surprise to anyone who has read my blog posts. Stories are the foundation of every unit that I present to the kids, from Art to Math to Science.
So using storytelling to help heal and process potentially traumatic events made a lot of sense to me. Articles such as this one by Psychology Today, highlight all the reasons to help young children (toddlers, preschoolers, and young elementary age kids) through difficult times by telling personal stories.
I decided to make a book for Rémy, a completely personal account of the events and the feelings that came up. We needed to start reading the book as soon as possible, so I had to let go of my perfectionist tendencies when it came to the art. The important part was that Rémy would have a physical book he could bring to me whenever he felt the need to process his trip to the hospital.
Over the next week, the book became worn out from reading. It was his favorite book. We read it over and over and over. He would bring it to me, ask for me to read it a few times and then look at the pictures by himself. Sometimes, he would just carry it around with him as he played.
And then suddenly, he let it go. After dozens and dozens of readings it was as if he was ready to move on. A few weeks later, I put the book out again, and he wanted to read it a few times, and then he moved on. A couple months later, we read the book once or twice.
With the birth of a sibling, a couple moves, a few hard Covids, and Emergency Room visits under our belts, I can say two things with confidence: 1. Childhood is a field of emotional landmines. No matter how great at parenting you are, your child will eventually step on one of those mines. These are the huge feeling moments - moving, death, divorce, birth of a sibling, illness, starting school. These are the moments when kids need as much support as we can muster.
And 2. These books can be a big part of that support.
The past couple weeks, our huge feeling moments centered around Papa's shoulder surgery. It was confusing and scary to see him in so much pain and not be able to care for them in the same way they were used to. A lot of frustration and anger followed.
I wrote a book about the surgery and the feelings and behaviors that followed the event. Both Rémy and Sierra have asked to read it again and again. I expect that they will want to hear it for the rest of the week and then start to let it go.
If your child is in the midst of a whirlwind of emotions, try a personal story. The creation process is fairly straightforward. Sit down and write out all the main events that took place. Find the points in those events where some emotional reassurance and empathy can be added in as well. Break the story into pieces and add very simple pictures. You do not have to be an artist - these are just sketches of action or ideas.
I've been using colorful thin books similar to these for most of the personal books I've created thus far. If you are looking for a sturdier hard cover book, I've used these blank books in the classroom and they are wonderful for all sorts of storytelling projects. They also have a color version of the hard cover, that will probably hold up better after dirty fingers take hold of the books.
If the process sounds too intimidating, but you need a personal story, feel free to email me, and I can help out. I don't want any kids who may be struggling through huge feeling moments to miss out on this amazing storytelling tool!
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